Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit..... black water snake 2013: Entry 68: One year ago or how to hang by a finger nail on the edge of a cliff

One year ago I had my first solo show in New York City (Brooklyn really). Because NYC is the culture capital of the world, having a show in NY was something I had dreamt of almost my entire life but had no idea how to make happen. I didn't know NY, I'd only been there on a high school field trip once, I never went during the big adventurous 80s when Basquiat and Madonna were running around it's ruins, but, and most importantly, I honestly believed only certain types of people could go to New York. Like you could be stopped at the terminal and rejected for being too small town, too pedestrian.

To me New York was a place only open to people with courage and a strong sense of who they are and what they want. The idea of NY represented a strongly structured person, defiant and cocky, of singular vision and unwilling to bend. To me, it was a a place ordinary people with 2nd hand clothes do not go - for most of my life, I had this weird idea that people are not allowed to go to NY unless they have themselves completely and totally together and are fully formed human beings with very nice shoes. I am not any of those things but I am a person who's not only gone to New York but knocked on gallery doors, had 100s of pieces shown and managed to attain a place in an international gallery in Manhattan. If I weren't me writing this I'd have to say that's kind of F-ing incredible.

But I have to say - this year has been both exciting and completely devastating, uplifting, filled with desperation and unrelenting hard work. This year has been nothing short of trial by fire. Nothing, nothing, NOTHING has been easy and if you read thru this blog or visit my Facebook page you'll learn - I've spent a large portion of the last 12-13 months struggling to survive. I've spent huge blocks of time without any income or a working vehicle, food or clean clothes. I've had to sell my furniture and some of my favorite belongings, been insulted by people I adored and trusted, been deeply humiliated by circumstances, I've even had to take food and handouts from friends just to make it from one day to the next.

And because of people and issues way beyond my control I've been on the brink of losing my apartment, truck and my little Bugsy man. I've spent most of the last year hanging by a finger nail off the very edge of a cliff and feeling that tiny bit of security slip and crumble to the point I thought my life was done....but, as it turns out, it's not. I am still here damn it and I am very proud to say my work is hanging on Madison Avenue right now - something that wasn't even in my realm of possibilities last March or April. I honestly believed that was an impossibile position for someone like and that that tupe of recognition was only granted to certain kinds of people - like a magic wish.

Detail from reworked face in "I am" - a painting that hung in NY last year.

Now, I can say, I'm still not completely together but at least I have a better grasp on what personal courage can be and an even better idea of what I am capable of.....sometimes. I can say I know I am capable of reaching beyond what I understand and am most comfortable with. I also know New York is the greatest city in the world filled with generous, kind, helpful people and you don't really need to have very nice shoes or be a fully formed human being to go there but if you're going to be an artist who shows in New York (or anywhere that isn't in your comfort zone) you do have to be willing to hang off a cliff and dangle your feet in the uncertainty.

Limited silk screen edition of "I am" featured in solo show last year.

To some it up: I am no longer a tourist dreaming about having my work in New York. I am no longer a tourist ambling thru my own life, dreaming and waiting for things to magically happen - I am here.

...now let's keep our fingers crossed I'm here to stay for a while...

To see video chats on not giving in to fear of failure, philosophies behind painting and artwork, how to get your work out there and the life of an artist visit my Youtube channel: Studio 120 -

https://www.youtube.com/user/La102438

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