Tired and grumpy lately, but like any artist who's set goals, I can't take
a day off or completely give in to my frustrations. There are no days off for
people who are driven to develop a career, but I am having a think that may help
bolster my emotional strength today -
Contrary to what I've been told to believe, being an artist isn't defined
by how I dress, where I hang out, what kind of noveau wine I drink, where I
shop, how organic my food is, what kind of zany hobbies I have, what kind of
cool toys I own - I have found that being an artists is defined by my work and
my dedication to it. To me, being an artist means making art and doing
everything I can to take my work as far as I can.
Until a few years ago, the only goal I knew to have was to simply show, so
my opportunities were relegated to my hometown. However, several years ago New
York became the ideal goal, but then I made it my only goal for 2011. Within 9
months I had two consecutive solo shows in New York booked and after the 2nd, I
was offered a place at Eden Fine Art on Madison and 50th. This year the goals
are bigger and hopefully I've done enough work to keep the momentum going and be
granted the ability to reach my new, loftier goals.
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In front of MOMA, grinning like a Chesire cat and holding a (now unavailable) print of "and then my arms flew off" - the original painting is available at Eden on Madison and 50th
Just for the fun of it, I set up a sidewalk display (with my NY singer friend Kathy),
AFTER being offered a place with Eden Fine Art.
No one stopped - I kept grinning.
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None of this has been easy - at times,
it's actually been incredible difficult. In 2012, I had three curators, in row,
not bother to promote my work. I spent thousands of dollars with 3 people who
made a lot of promises, but did absolutely nothing to advertise, promote or play
up the shows. In one instance, I had one fella who, in a defensive moment, try
to twist the situation around by saying "I'm not promoting your work bc no one
wants it anyway". Another time, I had a woman, who was supposed to be helping me
at an opening, hide prints of my work bc she wasn't interested in selling "small
stuff", she only wanted "to sell the big stuff". Also, I've had my truck break
down 3 times, I had to move out of a crappy living space where the electricity
kept going out bc the roof leaked, and all the while working with
RSD/CRPS.
Although most of my trouble has come from dealing people who either don't
know how or are not interested in working as part of a team (or treat me, the
artist, with any respect), I just can't stop. To me, being an artist isn't about
hanging around a fire pit with pals or seeking out the coolest new, underground
hot spot. It's not about wearing the trendiest uniform or "repurposing" vintage
stuff - being an artist means one thing: dedicating yourself to making your art
Not just talking about being an artist in a self congratulatory fashion it is,
instead, the act of making and doing everything you can to take your art where
you want it to be. It means, getting up everyday and treating your self defined
career as you would a full time job. It means complete and utter
dedication.
Last year, I heard a great quote from the writer and humorist David Rakoff:
“...hanging out does not make one an artist. A secondhand wardrobe does not make
one an artist. Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity
for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV - I hate to say it - none of these
make one an artist. They can help, but just as being gay does not make one witty
(you can suck a mile of cock, as my friend Sarah Thyre puts it, it still won't
make you Oscar Wilde, believe me), the only thing that makes one an artist is
making art. And that requires the precise opposite of hanging out; a deeply
lonely and unglamorous task of tolerating oneself long enough to push something
out.”
Hearing him recite that one paragraph has been a huge relief to me - it
gave me permission to keep my focus on my work. To me, it says: 'it's okay if you
don't waste your time and money on silly incidentals. It's okay to set goals and
work towards them.' I'm not a hanger outer, I don't dress retro funky or do anything wild. In fact, I don't do anything that will effect my time to paint or diminish my drive to produce paintings. David's quote
gave me permission to focus on my work. Prior to hearing him make this
statement, I felt isolated, a little freakish and less emboldened. I've had
popular "artists" call me a hermit or get angry with me bc I don't socialize or
go to parties (I'm not 5 thank you) or dinners. I've had artists try to
humiliate me bc I have clear goals and my own direction. But, bc of David, I
don't feel the need to apologize for being focused and productive anymore.
I think I may be trying to gain some
mental and emotional ground thru the blog again today. I'm going thru another
rough patch and don't know if or when it's going to work out. But when I look
back over the last couple years, and think about the "friends" I've had to
abandon bc they don't respect me, my goals or my work, and all the daily
difficulties I've had to endure to produce paintings, all the movies and
vacations I've missed, all the things I could've bought instead of investing in
art supplies - I know I would not reverse any of my decisions. I would love to
have more money right now, I'd love to have a circle of pals to visit with once
in a while, but there is no way I would go back and deviate from my path or my
choices. I'm not interested in conforming and making myself into a person who
celebrates 1/2 measures. I am driven to make something of my life. And, although
my ultimate success or failure is dependant on other people and their success or
failure, I have to keep working - I am an artist.
All work available exclusively thru:
Eden Fine Art
Call :(212) 888-0177 for details.
To see albums filled with pics of work over the last year on FB:
www.facebook.com/BeckatReBar/
Also visit:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002159828818
